Decreasing for His Purpose

As the year 2011 came to a close and as I finished reading the entire Bible in a year, I realized that a chapter in my journey with God was nearing its end only to continue quickly to a new chapter. As I mentioned in one of my first blog posts, our entire lives are made up of one chapter after another in which the focus is always knowing God!  For the last year or more, the Lord was very clearly teaching me about His Holiness (which must be separate from my sinfulness), about how much and all the ways He delights in me, about spiritual discernment in all things so long as I'm seeking Him, about the inerrant Truth of His Word and how every part of His Word fits together perfectly.  I love these things that my Lord was teaching me, and it gave me some amazing vistas into the heart of God. However, as you yield your heart to know God in one area, He does not let His relationship with you be stagnant - He is always working, always teaching, always delighting in you, always asking for your obedience, and always being faithful to His love and relationship with you.

As the year 2012 began, I quickly began to realize that a new chapter was starting in my journey of knowing the Living God!  The beginning of these new chapters is probably the most difficult because if you are walking with God, you start discerning the things that God is trying to teach you...and they are almost never easy things for us to learn because we have to break our minds away from our human perspective and logic and raise our minds to getting the mind of Christ -- this means we have to repeatedly confront our sin nature and lay down our innate pride.  It soon became apparent to me that the things God would be teaching me about Himself next were His Will for me regarding ministry and prayer...two things that are not exactly my strong points. I realized that to learn about these things, I would have to face the following:

* my introverted nature - a difficulty both for ministry and praying with/for others
* my own inner doubts about the power of prayer
* my desire to "fix" every problem and my frustration when I fail at reaching someone

What I didn't realize until the last few weeks recently was that I would have to learn another tough lesson before I could "progress" much further in my journey of knowing God in ministry and prayer.  I would have to learn to "decrease for His purpose."  Several things in my life brought this point to light in my heart in the last few weeks:  one of my devotions from "My Utmost For His Highest," some songs, some conversations, and some Bible verses that I've come across.

Below is the March 24th devotion in "My Utmost For His Highest" in which God first brought this message to light in my heart; I balked when I first read this and my first human instinct was to walk away and ignore what I read because it was uncomfortable; I didn't like it. But God kept resurfacing this message in my life through songs, Bible verses, and conversations. I suddenly realized that I essentially had two options:  face it with the perspective of Christ and remain in my journey with the Lord, or I could walk away, ignore it, live in disobedience to the Lord, and go no further in my learning about the Lord or prayer or ministry for the Lord. God was gentle, but firm, in His reminders to me that I would need to learn this difficult lesson; I am now in a state where I'm trying to yield my heart though it is difficult at times.  The devotion was called Decreasing For His Purpose:

Focus verse:  John 3:30:  "He must increase, but I must decrease."
"If you become a necessity to someone else's life, you are out of God's will. As a servant, your primary responsibility is to be a "friend of the bridegroom" (3:29). When you see a person who is close to grasping the claims of Jesus Christ, you know that your influence has been used in the right direction. And when you begin to see that person in the middle of a difficult and painful struggle, don't try to prevent it, but pray that his difficulty will grow even ten times stronger, until no power on earth or in hell could hold him away from Jesus Christ. Over and over again, we try to be amateur providences in someone's life. We are indeed amateurs, coming in and actually preventing God's will and saying, "This person should not have to experience this difficulty." Instead of being friends of the Bridegroom, our sympathy gets in the way. One day that person will say to us, "You are a thief; you stole my desire to follow Jesus, and because of you I lost sight of Him." <ouch>

Beware of rejoicing with someone over the wrong thing, but always look to rejoice over the right thing "...the friend of the bridegroom...rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease" (3:29-30). This was spoken with joy, not with sadness--at last they were to see the Bridegroom! And John said this was his joy. It represents a stepping aside, an absolute removal of the servant, never to be thought of again.

Listen intently with your entire being until you hear the Bridegroom's voice in the life of another person. And never give any thought to what devastation, difficulties, or sickness it will bring. Just rejoice with godly excitement that His voice has been heard. You may often have to watch Jesus Christ wreck a life before He saves it. (see Matthew 10:34)."

After reading this devotion, I thought "Wow, God - is this right? How can I truly follow this precept in my heart? You already know and have helped me with my esteem struggles." The Lord impressed upon me: "Do I not always delight in you?  Have I not always been faithful? You must trust Me and you must learn this." This was a difficult devotion for me especially because of the complex that I've developed over the years -- my difficulty with feeling like I'm well-loved or well-liked or feeling like I have much to offer/share with others. God has been helping me overcome this complex with His Grace and He continues to show me how He delights in me!  Even so, He has made it clear that this is not a lesson that I can ignore. I think it was especially the last few sentences of the devotion that spoke to my heart that helped me realize the truth of this devotion; I knew the truth behind the last part of the devotion because He had done this in my life, for which I am so grateful! I can't agree with part of God's Truth and not all of it. God's Word and His Truth is not a buffet where I can pick and choose what I like and don't like. So, God continued to prod at my heart in other ways to help me face this difficult point. The Bible Verse of the Day that was at the top of my blog on April 16th matched this recurring theme that I've been seeing in my life right now about me becoming less while the Lord increases:

"Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."  Mark 8:34-35  (NIV) 

Humbling myself:  the prideful part of me really struggles with this. I'm not sure yet if the Lord is teaching me this to prepare my heart and mind for a specific situation or if He is teaching me to have this attitude in general.

I also heard this same message in some of the lyrics from the song "How Deep the Father's Love for Us":

"It was my sin that held him there / until it was accomplished;
His dying breath has brought me life / I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything / no gifts, no power, no wisdom,
but I will boast in Jesus Christ / His death and resurrection!
Why should I gain from His reward? / I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart:  His wounds have paid my ransom!"

I have nothing to boast about except for my salvation through Jesus Christ!!  It is difficult to yield my pride and my desire to be well-liked and admired, etc., and I pray that I can lay all of this aside to be not only a vessel for Christ, but a light that eventually illuminates Jesus Christ and not Letisha. I pray that as God continues to teach me about these things, I will be willing to lay my self aside for His Glory!

Behold Our God!

As I read through the entire Bible last year, I encountered many passages that I liked, many that I loved, and many that brought conviction to my heart. As I read through the book of Job, I was astounded as I read the plight of Job once again, and of course, my empathetic heart grieved for him. But when I got to Job chapter 38, I was incredibly humbled. Growing up, I had often heard the story of Job in summary or portions of it read, but I don't ever recall really reading through all of chapters 38-42. Unless you have read the entire book of Job and remember it, there is no way for me to express to you the power and conviction that Job chapters 38-42 bring to my heart and ought to bring to the heart of any human being!  I encourage you to read the book of Job and pray to God with a humble heart as you finish the book.

After Job goes through enormous trials and hardships and loses everything except for his life, he questions God about why he deserved all that had happened. He never renounces God as some of his friends and family suggest, but he also struggles with admitting any wrongdoing because he felt that his righteousness before the Lord deserved reward and blessings. Though Job had indeed been a righteous man before God, the Lord responded to Job in chapters 38-41 and made it very clear that no one is in a place to question God's purpose or plan and that no one has a true understanding of things in the world or outside the world except for God. The Lord responds with stern love and even sarcasm as he asks Job question and after question to illustrate to Job his extreme lack of understanding in the presence of a great God! 

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! 

“What is the way to the abode of light?
   And where does darkness reside?
Can you take them to their places?
   Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
Surely you know, for you were already born!
   You have lived so many years!

“Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
   or seen the storehouses of the hail, which I reserve for times of trouble,
   for days of war and battle? 

 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
   and satisfy the hunger of the lions
when they crouch in their dens
   or lie in wait in a thicket?
Who provides food for the raven
   when its young cry out to God
   and wander about for lack of food?"

These are just a few of the many convicting questions that the Lord asks Job!  When we are going through an incredibly difficult circumstance, we humans have a difficult time understanding God's hand in the situation and we often start questioning and doubting His love or concern for us. In reality, how very very little we understand at all!  I've encountered this in my life time after time, and I know as I grow older, I will continue to struggle with this; I pray that each time it happens, I will be reminded of this Scripture from Job so that my heart will be humbled again and again. It is only after I set aside my pride and it is only after I set aside my desire for the "rights" I think I ought to have as a human or Christian that I am finally at a place where the Lord can "become greater while I must become less" (John 3:30)...where He can lead me into a lasting relationship with God. 

The Lord chastens whom He loves (Psalm 94:12, Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 6:12).  Don't immediately get mad if you feel that someone is "judging you," especially if you are a Christian being rebuked by another Christian:  first, pray to the Lord and ask HIM if this is something that He wants you to change. Though the person who has rebuked you is also a sinner and may have many "planks" to take out of their own eye, it IS very possible that the Lord uses other Christians to rebuke us from our sin.  Though it is not fun at the time, I love the Lord's chastening and the conviction He puts in my heart because I know He is saving me from my sin nature every day as He is always teaching me something!  This does not mean He saves my soul every day (that's a one-time amazing life-changing event when you accept the Lord as your Savior!), but rather, He convicts my heart of the sin in my life that I will have to continue fighting as long as I'm living in this dying body in this dying world until He gives me a new body and brings me to eternal life with Him in Heaven!

Behold our God!  This is an amazing worship song that I just learned this past weekend on Palm Sunday while visiting my sister's church in Tennessee. This song is what reminded me of these chapters in Job that I love so much, so I want to share it with you!  I encourage you to play the video, close your eyes (or focus on the words in the song) as you humble your heart before the Lord!  There is no greater thing than being in a true relationship with the Lord and being humble and vulnerable toward Him as you entrust your life to Him!

I pray this song and the book of Job both encourages you and humbles your heart as it does mine!  Send me a message if this video doesn't work; it isn't mine and sometimes videos are taken down from Youtube, so I can try to find a different one if this one disappears.

God Bless you!

Strengths and Weaknesses - Not Superwoman!

As I think and pray about numerous situations for family and friends this evening, I've been on a bit of an emotional and spiritual roller coaster that ended up with me thinking about my strengths and weaknesses.  I started worrying that my weaknesses outweigh my strengths and how that plays out in my relationships.

In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Paul talks about how he had a "thorn" in his flesh that prevented him from becoming conceited because he was always reminded of his weaknesses, and though he asked the Lord to take away this "thorn" (which Paul perceived as a weakness and a hindrance), the Lord responded:  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  

"Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."   -- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

My soul is saved with the knowledge and faith that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that He died to save me from my sin nature so that I may be reunited with God; my mind is filled with the capacity to have understanding and depth of insight; my heart is full of compassion and empathy for others; I enjoy encouraging others; I have a heart that loves to worship the Lord; I have a detail-oriented mind and a love for learning that hungers to know God more; my mind is creative, which is useful both in understanding certain aspects of God as well as in relationships.  These are some of my strengths! But as I reflect further, I perceive at least several "thorns" in my flesh that I perceive to constantly hinder me:  my almost-constant physical pain and nerve-pain often make me impatient toward others in my actions or in certain situations while my mind and the Holy Spirit inside me are saying to behave otherwise; my lack of skill at managing my time between nurturing my relationships with God, husband, family and friends, and managing my time with work, house work, and a tiny bit of time for hobbies; my insecurity with believing that I am loved has been and continues to be a thorn in my flesh and constantly results in me coming to my own conclusions about how others feel toward me, which may or may not even be true; my pensive, introverted, indecisive and easily "socially exhausted" nature does not lend itself to having many close friendships - most friendships are surface ones - and then I go back to the previously mentioned "thorn" as I worry and doubt the extent to which any given person (family or friends) love me, or even like me; my tendency to run rabbit-trails in my head until I reach some decision or conclusion that often appears to be outlandish. If I allowed myself to remain on these thought patterns all the time, I would likely become a hermit who never comes out to have a relationship for fear of what everyone thinks or feels about me!

Praise God that His strength is made perfect in my weakness and that His grace is sufficient for me!  I may not be able as yet to know how to completely prevent my mind from wondering things like does this person love this other person more than me?  However, the tool that I DO have is the precious Word of God - His promises of love and grace and hope in spite of my weakness is what helps curb my fear. When I fill my mind with all the expectations I have for myself on top of all of the expectations that I perceive others to have for me, I am left a befuddled mess who has no clue where to start or how I can possibly spread myself so thin. I'm not Superwoman, I often tell myself. Whether some of those expectations are accurate or not, when I put all of that aside and focus on Jesus, all I have to concern myself with is His expectations of me. I'm hard-headed sometimes, so God has to remind me of this over and over, but when I finally focus on Him, the other things seem easier though I rarely can completely get rid of my sense of "failure."  I pray the Lord will help me with this as I continue to learn how His grace is sufficient for me and how His power is made perfect in my weakness!