A Joy to Be Loved!

Soon, I plan on blogging about how the Lord delights in me!  What a wonderful thing to think about!  But for now, I just want to share with you a few things about how God has recently reminded me that I am loved!

For many, many years, I struggled with understanding that I am loved -- particularly, how I am loved by God!  My search for love had been a desperate one. I wish I would have realized then what I know now!  After a change of heart and repentance of my ugly sin, I began to see His love more clearly as the days went by. "Your love is amazing, O God!" is now the cry of my heart!

The Lord has blessed me with a husband who strives to put God first; as long as he does that, he is able to love me the way God intended for him to.  How amazing it is to be a wife when my husband loves the Lord more than me! 

Over the last year, I've learned that one of my favorite things to do is to recognize the ways in which the Lord delights in me, the things and ways in which He teaches me, the way He encourages me, and the way He shows His love for me!

When I went to the mirror in our master bathroom on Valentine's Day, I saw this delightful surprise written by my hubby (I love surprises!).  Simple, but so meaningful and loving! 

(I took this photo after a shower so that you wouldn't have to see the ickies on our mirror!  :)  The photo on the wall to the left is from our wedding day when we were on the porch of Santillane together at some point during the ceremony. For someone whose perspective on Valentine's Day has always been one of sadness, even after getting married, this simple gesture spoke volumes to my tender heart!  I left this writing up on my side of the large mirror for about 2 weeks after Valentine's Day.  When I got ready for work in the mornings or for bed in the evenings, I looked at my face in the middle of that heart and felt delighted in!  I would have left it up even longer, but one evening this week, I came home from work to find a new surprise on the mirror! (I didn't take a picture of this one with steam, so please excuse the icky spots!)

In case you can't read it well with the background, it says:


You are so beautiful! I am blessed to have you as my wife!  God is working in my heart to love you better! Be encouraged, for you are loved!
                          - <heart> Tom

  
I was/am encouraged!  My heart swelled with joy and my eyes welled with tears! While I read this message, my honey was working hard on some much-needed cleaning in the house that I hadn't had time to get to. His actions match his words!  My eyes remained brimmed with tears as I realized that the reason Tom can love me like this is because of God. Tom gets his strength and inspiration and perspective and love from God, which means that any love that Tom shows me is really God loving me!  I now have an even better perspective on something else that is always attached to my mirror:

Back when Tom and I were doing our pre-marital counseling with Dr. Keffer, I was having some serious trust issues due to my past habits and relationships; many of my difficulties were a result of not fully understanding how/why God loves me and not loving myself either.  Dr. Keffer wrote this down on the back of his business card one day and told me to keep it somewhere that I would see it every day, and that I should repeat it out loud every day for as long as it took for me to really believe it. I did. Along with some other things, it helped a lot! Seeing the message from Tom on the mirror (previous photo) allowed God to speak to my heart anew and remind me again that He loves me deeply and that I can trust in His faithfulness! (By the way, I highly, highly recommend Dr. Keffer if you need help with anything! http://newbeginningscounsel.com/default.aspx)

It truly is a joy to be loved!  :) 

.

A Crimson Stain

One day last week, my husband and I had pasta for dinner with breadsticks and a side dish of marinara dipping sauce.  We ate in the living room as we often do to watch a TV show together while we ate. After the show was over, I picked up my dishes and took them to the sink, intending on picking up Tom's dishes after cleaning some of the ones in the already-full sink. Before I had a chance to pick his up, I heard Tom cry out in frustration. He had spilled his dish of marinara sauce in the living room.  Thinking that it couldn't be too terrible, I finished washing the dish I was holding and then went to see the damage.

It was bad. It was hard to believe that much marinara came from one little bowl!  It seemed like it had multiplied its volume when spilled.  Several large puddles of marinara on the floor and a whole lot of splattered splotches spread out in many directions, including on the side of the couch and our ottoman. It was one of those moments where you stand staring at the mess for a couple of minutes in disbelief and dumbfounded. We worked hard to clean it up with what little Resolve we had left in the house; we were pretty sure we got the stains off of the couch and ottoman, but even now, there is a residual pinkish stain on the carpet where the large puddles had been. We'll have to rent a carpet cleaning machine soon to try to remove the rest of the stain.

Having already spilled orange juice in the living room only a week or less earlier, Tom was very mad at himself. I kept telling him that it was okay, that these were just things, and that we would get it cleaned up. It's hard not to berate yourself when you make a big mess or blunder, but the reactions of others around us can either make our anger worse or comfort our discouraged hearts.

Looking at the remaining stain on the carpet reminded me of how our sin appears to God. No matter how much we try to hide it or "clean" it up using our own methods or give it a new face or name, He still sees it. We can either try to keep hiding it, or we can accept the ultimate solution to remove the stain permanently:  accept the crimson-stained Grace offered by Jesus Christ, the Only Son of God, who died for our sins, His body covered with the crimson stains of His blood that give us eternal life.

Until we pass away from this world, we will struggle with our sin nature, we will struggle with our mistakes and failings, and we will be grieved when we see the results of sin in our relationships. When we have accepted Jesus into our hearts, the stain of our sin looks ugly and sometimes makes us feel angry and helpless. If the stains of your sins don't grieve you, then it's very likely that your heart is not right with God. We should ask forgiveness of the Lord and of anyone we have wounded when we sin, and then move forward with repentance -- correcting the problem, or rather, allowing the Lord to correct us.

Tom and I have cleaned up many stains from our off-white carpet:  mud, pink nail polish, orange juice, dog messes, soda...marinara sauce.  The marinara sauce had to have been one of the biggest spills we've had to clean up, but the process was the same as always:  sop up as much as we can with a clean paper towel and then use Resolve and a damp rag on the rest.  Every time we see a new stain, we must give it up to the Lord for He makes all things new! 

Fall to an addiction or old habit again?  Give it to Jesus!  He is a God of new beginnings!  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

"He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'" (Revelation 21:5)

Holding a grudge or bitterness in your heart toward someone who wounded you in the past?  Give it to Jesus!  He forgives those who will also have a heart of forgiveness. (Mat 6:14-15) "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

It is the Lord's desire for us to love Him by knowing Him deeply and to love others. When a Christian brother or sister is discouraged or struggling with sin (even if they are blind to it), we ought to love them by encouraging them to turn their eyes upon the Lord for hope, comfort, and forgiveness upon repentance. How essential it is for Christians to be in fellowship with one another! The Church is not a building; it is the fellowship of believers, and it is God's bride whom He loves very much!  He intended for the Church to be full of love, encouragement and mutual accountability, not hypocrisy.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another -- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25)

We are sorrowed by our sins and by the stains of our sins, not only because they serve as a poor witness to others for Christ, but especially because they grieve our Lord and Savior! Our sin seems to laugh back at us and mock the crimson-stained hands that offered us Grace and eternal life; it is right for us to hate our sin.

 "Though the sorrow may last for the night, His Joy comes in the morning!" -- from the song I'm Trading My Sorrows and taken from the verse Psalm 30:5

A "Light Bulb" Moment

A couple of months ago as I took a shower, I had another "light bulb" moment. (I often have these moments during my showers, otherwise, I wouldn't mention the shower part!)  I was reminded of this "light bulb" moment today, and I'll share the process of my thoughts from that evening with you. During my shower that night, I was thinking about all the things going on in my life right now and all the people I want so badly to care for and encourage and show that I love them every day. My trouble is that I only have so much time in a day or week! 

This concern got me to thinking about specific individuals that God has recently been calling me to reach out to. Then that got me to thinking about myself. Yes, you read that right. Straight from sincerely thinking about others to thinking about myself. I'm going to share something with you that I haven't honestly told many people. I have often worried about who would actually care if/when I passed away. I don't know how "normal" these thoughts are; maybe they are normal, or maybe they are an outpouring of my "melancholy nature" as our good premarital counselor described me. I wonder who would come to my funeral and what would they say?  I would like to think that they would say nice things about me, but would many even come?  Of course, life would go on without me, but I want to know that I made a difference in people's lives.

So, this is where my thoughts returned that evening after thinking so sincerely about caring about others. My brain immediately switched gears, and I started thinking "I think I'm doing pretty good lately. I've been trying really hard lately to care for others (which is true), so maybe there would be quite a few people saying kind things about me..."  Then I started thinking about the "crowns" I earn in my lifetime to lay at the feet of Jesus when I meet Him in Heaven.

I stopped. My mistake suddenly dawned on me. I made a potentially fatal error!  Yes, fatal!  If I had not realized my mistake, I might have continued down that road of asking myself all of those questions that contribute to a sense of self-pride instead of a sense of God-pride. The further down that road you go, the harder it is to come back.

I've heard many sermons and read many books and had many discussions about how you should always make sure that you are loving others, caring for others, and serving the Lord to have crowns to lay at his feet. These things are good and right, but what just dawned on me is that I absolutely cannot ask myself these things. I can't ask myself "am I doing okay? am I earning my crowns? am I being successful in earning the love of others?"  I should be asking GOD these things so that it is not turned in on myself and resulting in pride. Ouch. Yes, I can be doing many good things for the Lord, but I must keep my heart and eyes on the Lord and seek approval only from Him to avoid the deep fall of pride.

Perhaps I knew these things already, but it's just one extra little step for me to realize that when I do continue to try hard to reach out to others and love them and to serve the Lord, I can be encouraged by the Lord's approval, not by approval of myself. Never ask myself those questions. Only ask the Lord!  Ever since this "light bulb" moment, I feel a little freer whenever I remind myself that it matters only what the Lord thinks of my actions and how I serve Him! 

Dream Journal: The 13th Floor - A Dream about Grace

Introduction:   Due to a lack of time to write a post this evening, I'm copying a record of a dream I had awhile back, I think sometime between 2001-2004. I have kept a record of my dreams (or as many as I can remember to write down) since about that time and the dream below is the second dream I recorded. Any time I record a dream, I do it within a week of having the dream, but usually within a day or two of having it. I do this so that I am as accurate as possible with every detail that I remember from the dream. I find it even more interesting that at the time I had this dream, I did not know that many/most tall buildings do not have a 13th floor. Sorry if it is a little poorly written; I don't usually edit my dream logs but just write like crazy until I have written it all down (especially when it is a long dream). It wasn't until later that I completely understood the meaning behind this dream, but the overall theme of this dream kind-of falls in line with the theme of this blog...

Right before I woke up the other morning, I had a dream in which many of the details remain obscure. 

I remember getting abused, at least verbally if not physically, by several “bad people,” all of which were adults but threatening menaces.  I lived in a place full of them and no one was nice or helpful…in this place, there were either the victims like me or the menaces like those chasing, abusing, and lying to me.  Somehow, maybe by eavesdropping or hearing about it from another “victim” by word of mouth, I found out that there was another place where everyone is like a child even if they are really adults.  Everyone there apparently look like children and are innocent like children and that where they lived was a safe and good place to live.  I didn’t know what to believe about this place because this place in which I was barely surviving was so evil.  I had no home, no friends, no parents.  I did not know where I came from or where I belonged.  I had many questions, but no one cared, no one answered me truthfully, and many abused or ignored me.  None of my questions were answered. 

Everyone habitually deceived me, and so when I finally heard about this special place, I doubted if I should ever get there even if it did exist.  No one bothered to tell me how to get there. 

There was this huge round elevator (shaped like a cylindrical column) in which one half of it was on the outside of some huge building or connection of buildings and the other half faced the inside of the building or connection of buildings.  The elevator was mostly see-through (with the exception of a lot of metal bars) and so you could kind of see where you were heading, but not clearly.  The elevator stopped at many floors because it could go up so high.  However, there was one missing floor at which the elevator would not stop, nor did the elevator have a “button” for this floor:  the 13^th floor.  

The 13^th floor as I soon found out was apparently that special place where everyone is like children.  The 13^th floor was like another world.  Evidently, there was a particular way to get to the 13^th floor (and the only way to get there was by using the elevator, which didn’t even have the option to stop at a 13^th floor).  Only certain people could get to the 13^th floor, and only certain people knew what to do to get the elevator to go to the 13^th floor. 

Since I was living in such an evil place, my only hope was that I could somehow figure out how to get to this special place of children that I didn’t know whether or not it really existed (since people always deceived me); how to get to this 13^th floor that the building or connection of buildings didn’t have and at which the elevator might or might not stop.  So I spent all of my time running away from the “bad people” who were “bad” to me and trying over and over to get to this 13^th floor.  Every time the elevator would be around the 11^th floor and going up, I would close my eyes tight hoping that the elevator would stop at the 13^th floor.  Sometimes, some of the “bad people” would follow me onto the elevator to scoff at me while I tried to find the 13^th floor and they would say things like “You’re putting your hope in something that doesn’t exist. Some good that will do you.  Just forget it.  You don’t belong anywhere.  You’ll never get to the 13^th floor. There is no 13^th floor.”  But what else was I to put my hope in?  There were so many things I didn’t know or understand and never would in this place I was living because I was always deceived. 

One day I was running and trying to escape severe abuse and my possible murder by the “bad people” and they were chasing me but lost me when I slipped into the elevator.  But those “bad people” are sneaky and tricky individuals.  I was catching my breath once the door of the elevator closed and started moving upwards.  I stood there in anticipation and wondering what I should do.  At the 5^th floor, the elevator stopped and one of the “bad people” stood there with an evil grin on her face; she was a woman dressed all in black and had a big black head of hair and what was more intimidating:  she towered at least 3 feet over me.  I do not know how old I was at the time, but perhaps a teenager since I know I was not an adult nor an actual child either; either way, this “bad woman” seemed like a giant monster to me.  She stepped inside the elevator and I had two choices:  stay trapped in the elevator with her or step out into the 5^th floor (it could have been any other floor as well, except for the 13^th of course) and risk getting caught, abused, and maybe even killed by the “bad people.” 

I do not know why, but I was under the impression that on this particular day they feared something about me (although they did not show their fear, but rather their dominance over me due to whatever their fear of me was) and so they were trying to kill me now.  I do not know how I knew this, I just did.  And so I was trying to escape.  To where I didn’t know because I had lost most of my hope in finding the 13^th floor by this time.  I had hoped that the people on the 13^th floor would answer all my questions and take care of me, but if I couldn’t get to the 13^th floor or if a 13^th floor didn’t even exist, then I obviously didn’t belong there and could not escape to it.  

So to give myself more time to think, I decided to stay on the elevator with the “bad woman.”  I guess there was some rule or something that prevented her from physically harming me in any way so long as we were on the elevator.  But I had no doubt that she would follow me wherever I finally got off (for I could obviously not stay on the elevator forever) and then either take me to the other “bad people” or just kill me as soon as we got off the elevator.  I pushed the button to the very highest floor, which was some very large number, and intended to keep going up and down until I figured out something to do.  A tear ran down my face.  I was desperate for refuge.  I quietly ran my fingers along the buttons to all the floors and my hand paused over the buttons for floor 12 and 14 and wishing with all my heart that there was a button for a 13^th floor.   

Meanwhile, the bad woman snorted in disgust and scoffed at me calling me names and saying in a more anxious and earnest voice than I had ever heard before:  “You don’t know how to get there. Give it up!  You don’t belong anywhere; no one wants you.”  There was something different in her voice; I had heard her as well as others scoff at me before and say similar things, but this time her voice seemed more forceful and full of anxiety.  I also noticed something different in her remarks.  She didn’t say (like they usually did) that the 13^th floor didn’t exist; she only said that I didn’t know how to get there…which means that there was a 13^th floor!  Didn’t it?   

I scowled at her and then faced my back to her and pressed the front of my body against the side of the elevator and pushed my face up against the glass and looked out as the elevator moved upwards; we had already passed the 14^th floor by this time and so I realized that I’d have to wait until we came back down for another chance to try to get to the 13^th floor, although I still didn’t know how.  I continued looking out the glass walls of the elevator and trying to ignore the sneering comments from the woman in black when the elevator suddenly did something weird, like a little jolt or something.  I looked back at the bad woman in alarm wondering what she had done, but I saw that on her face was an equally alarmed expression.  I quickly turned my face back to look outside the elevator.  I could not make out what was happening or where we were going, but it looked to me like the column of floors disappeared and that the elevator was no longer moving in the same building or connection of buildings.  I closed my eyes and placed my hands flat on the round walls of the elevator and after a couple more jolts, I ascertained that the elevator was moving sideways!   

I had never heard of any elevator moving sideways!  I glanced back at the bad woman wondering if she did indeed have something to do with this odd event, but her face remained alarmed and then she suddenly panicked.  She shot a piercing glare at me and then stepped forward, shoved me aside into the wall, and then like a maniac started to push every button that was on the panel of the elevator.  Then she stepped back in anticipation and I just stared at her in horror and cowered against the far opposite side of the elevator from her.  Alas, all the buttons she pushed were unresponsive.  Some other force had a hold of the elevator and I became rather alarmed as well. 

The elevator traveled sideways for quite a while and moved at a quicker pace.  Finally it started to slow down and come to a halt.  Standing on opposite sides of the round elevator, the bad woman and I looked at each other with different expressions:  my own was one of anxiety and confusion, while hers was mixed with anger, resentment, and even shock.  I looked out of the elevator and tried to see where the elevator had taken us and suddenly the door began to open.  I peered out of the open doorway to see a softly lighted hallway that had tan-colored walls and reddish carpet.  The hallway went down a ways and then turned to the left.  What was different about this than any other floor at which the elevator stopped in the connection of buildings we had left was that there was no visible action, no people, and something else for which I couldn’t immediately think of the words.  The door also did not close after being open for a minute either like it usually did, for I was certainly standing there peering out from inside the elevator for several minutes while the bad woman stood there glaring at me as if she was either going to burn me into the floor with her stare or pounce on me at any moment.   

I looked back to the hallway and suddenly I saw the small lights in the hallway blink at me and I realized what the feeling was that I couldn’t previously describe:  it was a sense of being welcomed, encouraged.  A sense of belonging.  Upon realizing this, I immediately started moving towards the doorway of the elevator even though I was not quite sure where I was.  As soon as I moved forward, so did the bad woman, who reached out with both arms to grab me and keep me inside the elevator, which of course gave me all the more reason to want to leave the elevator at this floor no matter where I was.  She continued pulling on me, maintaining her death grip on my arm, grabbing at my hair, and kicking my legs so I would stumble.  With all my willpower, I struggled to step out of the elevator and I finally made it halfway out the doorway.  The woman’s hand was still holding me and so was halfway out of the doorway too, then she quickly let go and pulled her arm back inside the elevator.  I stumbled forward after she let go and then stood up outside the elevator looking in at her with a look of triumph on my face.   

“What are you looking so smug about?  You’ve gotten yourself nowhere, except to a deserted place where you will starve and die anyway.  Stop being foolish.  Come back in here at once!”  the woman said forcefully.  

I shook my head and stood there free, knowing somehow that she was unable to follow me outside of the elevator—whether she was electrically shocked or something when her hand crossed the elevator doorway, I do not know, but it was obvious that she could not join me outside the elevator.  I confidently turned my back to the elevator and started to walk down the hallway.  As soon as I turned my back to the elevator, I heard the door close and the sound of the elevator starting to move away, along with muffled sounds as if someone was banging angrily on a wall.  I heard it all, but did not look back.  I had no desire to.  

I continued down the hallway until it turned left and I continued to follow it into a room with a single brown wooden desk and a girl behind it who looked like a teenager too, yet like a child.  She was bent over a paper writing something, with a smile on her face.  I had no clue who she was, but there was something very warm about her appearance.   

I ran up to her around the desk and threw my arms around her neck and started to sob.  I had no idea what had overcome me, but I continued to sob in her hair and neck and I said “I’ve found you at last.  Please don’t send me away.  I have so many questions.  Will you answer them?  Will you take care of me?  Where am I?  I’ve searched for so long for a place to belong!”  I felt like a little lost child.

After a few minutes, the girl gently pulled me away from her neck and looked sincerely into my eyes.  She said softly, “Do not be afraid, my dear.  You are safe now.  We’ll take care of you and answer all of your questions.  We’ve been expecting you.  You belong here, child.”  The girl stood up and with her arm around my shoulders, led me around the desk and towards a door in the room.  I glanced back at the desk as if wondering what had just come over me in that fit of emotion.  As I glanced back, bright and colorful words appeared on the front of the desk that said “13^th Floor.”  I quickly looked back at the girl’s face next to me who smiled at me knowingly as if she knew what I had just seen.  

I made it!  I had been through so many hardships and abuse and had never belonged anywhere, all the while seeking for this place that I had only heard of through rumors and striving to reach it my whole life.    

Of Collisions, Prayer, & Valentine's Day

I have allotted myself 25 minutes to write this blog post so that I will hopefully not make it terribly long!  Since I haven't written since Sunday, I just wanted to share a few different things. Here goes!  :)

On my 10-minute drive to work on Monday, I spent most of the drive praying to God and preparing my heart for the day ahead.  My drive consists of only 3 turns from the time I leave my driveway, and most of it is on a 2-lane country road:  part of the Crooked Road Music Trail, in case you've ever heard of it. As I make this drive every day, I frequently glance out my windows at spectacular views, but I try to not look more than a second or two at a time...you know, since I'm driving and whatnot. :)  On Monday, I was praying and driving and there were not other cars near me. I glanced out my window for a second and when I looked back in front of me, there was a car heading straight toward my car in my lane!  There was a dotted line on the road and this car was passing a car in its lane. That car did NOT judge the timing or the distance right. Had I not noticed in time and braked, we would have had a head-on collision. Thankfully, I did notice and I did break and the car had just enough time to swerve back into its own lane. The experience made my heart rate speed up, and it made me glad that I had been in the middle of praying.

I'm admittedly not disciplined in prayer; prayer is one of those things that I think should flow naturally out of your relationship with God rather than something you have to be regimented about. Since I've been growing in the Lord, I know my relationship with Him won't be able to grow much further until I have an improved prayer life. More regular, more intimate, more sincere - I need to learn to trust that God is both hearing and caring about and answering prayers. At the beginning of this year, it became apparent to me that prayer is one of the things that God wants to teach me next, particularly when it comes to audible prayer and having faith that He is answering prayers.
 

 Ever since someone shared it with me the first time, I've always liked the idea of having your whole day be "in prayer."  You wake up saying "good morning!" to God and prepare your heart for the day; as the day wears on, you continue praying to Him about things you struggle with, asking for forgiveness for things you did wrong, and praying for others; as you go to bed, you thank Him for your blessings (listing them one by one is wonderful!) and for helping you through the day and for anything else that is on your mind so that you can sleep in His peace. This is a routine I'd like to try to adopt, though I know it may be difficult because it means that I am making my heart even more vulnerable to God (which usually means more conviction, but also means more depth, trust, understanding, and peace)!

Whew!  8 minutes left!

Valentine's Day has always been a difficult day for me. As a single person, I struggled with it every year and dreaded it every year. To me, it just seemed like a day that was dedicated to maximizing the loneliness that I felt all year!  I had many volatile relationships in my past and was searching to fill the same void that everyone tries to fill -- a void that can only be filled with the Lord. Even after getting married, I struggled with dreading Valentine's Day because even though I clearly have a husband who loves me, I had adopted a mentality and strong belief that I was not lovable, not worth pursuing or anything special. My past relationships and broken friendships confirmed this belief in my mind. I had heard, but did not believe in my heart, the Lord's promises to me from His Word.  Now, I struggle with having an expectation that something will hurt me on every Valentine's Day, even if it is my own heart/mind where the devil likes to place doubts and fears and pain.

This Valentine's Day was wonderful and a treat, and yet, it was not without an upset. I'll spare the details, but I am blessed to have a patient and loving husband who may not be perfect but who is the only man who has ever consistently shown me love like God would love. The "man" part is very important because he has been the spiritual leader that I'd never had before and he helped me get to a place where I can now learn to lean more on God than on him or on any human. I have to keep asking myself "is Jesus enough for me?" and then reminding myself "yes, Jesus is enough for me and His love is not conditional!" Sometimes, I need a reminder that I'm loved, and even if I don't get it from the places where I'm looking, I do get it from the Lord (if I will stop to notice the ways He delights my heart)! 

Oops, sooo, I'm 10 minutes over my time limit now!  Guess I'll save the rest for another time!  Thanks for reading!  :)

My God, Your God, A God, The God: A Matter of Semantics

I'm going to get a little technical in this post. Something has bothered me semantically for a long time and I've never really written about it or said it out loud. After re-reading my first few blog posts, this same semantic problem keeps nagging at me, so I want to share it with you and see if you (particularly Christians) have had the same concern about it. I also want to post this to try to clear things up a bit for non-Christians who may read my posts. Hang in there with me until I get to my trouble with semantics.

First of all, I need to make the point absolutely clear that I believe in only ONE God - THE God of the Universe. He is The Alpha and Omega, the eternal God; nothing came before Him and nothing comes after Him. He is Truth and He is the Trinity - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; He's not 3 gods, He is ONE God in three parts. I do not and cannot recognize the existence of any other god because the very nature and being of The God of the Universe cannot share His Omnipotence with any other god. He cannot be contrary to His nature and being.

I do recognize that people believe in other gods -- man-made gods that have no power, no plan for salvation and no relationship with humans. I recognize that different groups in history, including some mentioned in the Bible, worshiped other gods, but again, these were man-made gods. Even God Himself recognizes that people believe in other gods, for He gave the very specific commandment:  Thou shalt have no other gods before me. By giving this commandment, God was not recognizing that other gods existed in the sense of all-powerful beings. Rather, He recognized the fact that humans have a sinful nature that tends to turn away from the ONE True God in order to make other gods to worship instead. When He says "Thou shalt have no other gods before me," He is referring to anything that we make more important in our lives than the Lord: money/wealth, fame, seeking your own desires, relationships, husbands, wives, children, career success, alcohol, the earth itself, etc. The Israelites put other idols/gods (such as lust, wealth, and military strength) before THE God, but they also created literal idols out of materials they had and worshiped the works of their own hands.

I LOVE the book of Isaiah! Check out Isaiah 44:6-20, which speaks specifically about who God is and how man-made gods have no power or competition with the Lord of the Universe!

 ⁶ “This is what the LORD says—
   Israel’s King and Redeemer, the LORD Almighty:
I am the first and I am the last;
   apart from me there is no God.
⁷ Who then is like me? Let him proclaim it.
   Let him declare and lay out before me
what has happened since I established my ancient people,
   and what is yet to come—
   yes, let them foretell what will come.
⁸ Do not tremble, do not be afraid.
   Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago?
You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me?
   No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.”
 ⁹ All who make idols are nothing,
   and the things they treasure are worthless.
Those who would speak up for them are blind;
   they are ignorant, to their own shame.
¹⁰ Who shapes a god and casts an idol,
   which can profit nothing?
¹¹ People who do that will be put to shame;
   such craftsmen are only human beings.
Let them all come together and take their stand;
   they will be brought down to terror and shame.
 ¹² The blacksmith takes a tool
   and works with it in the coals;
he shapes an idol with hammers,
   he forges it with the might of his arm.
He gets hungry and loses his strength;
   he drinks no water and grows faint.
¹³ The carpenter measures with a line
   and makes an outline with a marker;
he roughs it out with chisels
   and marks it with compasses.
He shapes it in human form,
   human form in all its glory,
   that it may dwell in a shrine.
¹⁴ He cut down cedars,
   or perhaps took a cypress or oak.
He let it grow among the trees of the forest,
   or planted a pine, and the rain made it grow.
¹⁵ It is used as fuel for burning;
   some of it he takes and warms himself,
   he kindles a fire and bakes bread.
But he also fashions a god and worships it;
   he makes an idol and bows down to it.
¹⁶ Half of the wood he burns in the fire;
   over it he prepares his meal,
   he roasts his meat and eats his fill.
He also warms himself and says,
   “Ah! I am warm; I see the fire.”
¹⁷ From the rest he makes a god, his idol;
   he bows down to it and worships.
He prays to it and says,
   “Save me! You are my god!”
¹⁸ They know nothing, they understand nothing;
   their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see,
   and their minds closed so they cannot understand.
¹⁹ No one stops to think,
   no one has the knowledge or understanding to say,
“Half of it I used for fuel;
   I even baked bread over its coals,
   I roasted meat and I ate.
Shall I make a detestable thing from what is left?
   Shall I bow down to a block of wood?”
²⁰ Such a person feeds on ashes; a deluded heart misleads him;
   he cannot save himself, or say,
   “Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?”



So, I've laid out my first two starting points: 
1) I believe there is only True God, and there is actually no other god in existence, and
2) I believe that other people do believe in other gods of various forms. 
Now, I'd like to lay out my third point:  in terms of God's existence, it doesn't really matter what I believe or what others don't believe.  He IS who He IS regardless of our belief in Him. He always has been and always will be The God of the Universe -- omnipotent, omnipresent, sovereign, eternal, holy, mighty, glorious...and relational. Regardless of our sometimes worldly pursuit of truth, God is Truth; without seeking Him, we cannot know Truth.
In terms of our eternal salvation, it does matter what I believe and what others believe because without a living relationship with the Living God of the Universe, we have no hope for eternal life:  we can only expect eternal darkness. For God is Light and does not dwell with darkness.

Now that I've laid out all of my starting points, I can get to my concern about the semantics surrounding the usage of pronouns and articles when referring to God in our writing and speech. My concern is as follows:  that a simple matter of semantics when referring to God in our writing or speech may result in confusion or misunderstanding on the part of nonbelievers. Now, let me get into some of the nitty-gritty of what I'm talking about.

When I say something like "God is a God of forgiveness," I'm not implying or acknowledging that there are other gods at all. Here are a few other examples that are speaking about THE God but in which semantics may result in a misunderstanding:
"I'm so glad my God is faithful!"
"Your God will come to your aid."
"The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob..." (this one is from Scriptures)

Based on my reading of the Scriptures, I can only guess that we adopted some of this language/semantics from the Bible (such as the third example above).  Any time I or someone else uses language like this to refer to God, I feel the urge (but never act upon it) to clarify to any nonbelievers present that we are not actually implying or acknowledging the existence or power of any other god. I wonder sometimes if any other Christians have ever thought about it this way?  It's just one of those things that always comes to my mind at the moment, but then I never mention out loud or forget to say anything (until now). : )

When I use the term "my God," I say it not because I acknowledge that there are other gods, but I say it for the very reason that I have a personal relationship with The One True God. It is a very special way to recognize my intimate relationship with my Creator and Savior. He has a unique relationship with everyone who believes in Him and accepts Jesus as Lord in their heart!

When I use the term "your God" when talking to a Christian brother or sister, I do so to recognize his/her personal relationship with The One True God!

When I say something like "I'm glad my God is a jealous God," woah! Two in one sentence! : )  (I plan on doing another post sometime later to talk about God being a jealous God, so hold tight on that one!)  Once again, neither "my God" nor "a jealous God" imply that I'm acknowledging the existence or power of any other gods. I explained the implications behind saying "my God" above, so hopefully that made sense. When I say "a jealous God" (or any other attribute about God), it is a way of recognizing and worshiping one of the many wonderful attributes of God - the very attributes that illustrate to humans that He alone is God and none other!  When I say it this way, it is a reminder that God's attributes are perfect while human attempts to create gods are futile and imperfect. 

Sooo, that's all I think I wanted to clarify on the semantics issue regarding the use of articles and pronouns when talking about God. I hope some of it made sense, and it may not make much of a difference to some. Some of it may just boil down to imperfect human attempts to define an infinite God! Haha, see?  There's another one:  "an infinite God."  It's just one of those things that has always bothered me because I always wonder how nonbelievers perceive phrases like those when they hear it.

Lastly, I end my discussion about these semantics with this thought:  Praise God that He is fully capable to and DOES work through any confusing semantics to reach those who do not know Him!  :)

Knowing an Omniscient, Sovereign, Holy, and Good God

My understanding about God is miniscule compared with His Holy, infinite nature, but how very little I knew until I read the entire Word of God and got a better grasp of the context for many things. Reading the whole Bible gives you a better perception of both the rest of the Bible as well as the state of our current world.  Of course, you also have to be prayerful and honestly seeking the Lord as you read so that your own misconceptions don’t cloud your mind.

One of my absolute favorite Psalms is Psalm 139. Go read it because it’s awesome and you’ll know what I’m talking about in the rest of this post!  : )  Psalm 139 is a beautiful picture of how intimately God know you, every crevasse of your heart and mind, every thought and word – spoken and unspoken. He is perfectly omniscient – He knows more about you than you do!  The best part about it is that He is also Sovereign, Holy, and GOOD!  Because He is omniscient, He knows ALL things in the past, present and future; because He is Sovereign, He has power over every single thing in the past, present, and future; and because He is Holy and Good, we can have faith that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).  How awesome is that!?!

I struggled intensely for a long time in my life with severe depression, anger, bitterness, negativity, and many doubts about God’s love for me. I clung to Psalm 139 and memorized it and repeated it to remind myself that God does love me and He does know me.  I needed to hear that He “knit me together in my mother’s womb,” that His “works are wonderful” (meaning I was a wonderful work), and that “all the days ordained for me were written in [His] book.”  Verse 17 says “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!” Back when I first memorized Psalm 139, this was one of the verses in it that I both loved and felt uncomfortable by it. I certainly don’t feel like I know God well enough to know His thoughts, though I sure wish I did know what He thinks sometimes, I thought. Even though His Scriptures say exactly what God thinks about me, I guess I never knew His Truth well enough to feel secure about what God thought about me.

When you see the words:  God is _______, what word comes to your mind when you fill that blank with God’s number 1 attribute?  Like many people, I thought that God’s foremost attribute was Love; so, when I read things in the Bible and heard things in sermons and saw things happening in the world that made me question God’s love, my stomach lurched and my heart reeled out of hand. These things made me question my understanding of God, and rightly so!  I was failing to understand God’s number 1 attribute and God was trying to show me as I read the Bible throughout last year. : )    “God is Love” people chant and sing, but I wonder:  do they understand that God is first and foremost HOLY?  Yes, God is Love, but He is first and foremost HOLY!  We can’t enter into eternal life with God by simply “living a pretty good life,” and certainly not by living for ourselves instead of living for God.

“Well if God really loves me, then He should accept me as I am,” some people say as an excuse for some behavior or lifestyle that they don’t want to give up. 

No, that is an imperfect human perception of love; God MADE you, so He loves you for who you are (a beloved creation of God) but the problem is that we allow our pride and sinful nature keep us from becoming the servant of God that we were intended to be!  God doesn’t “accept” sinful behavior; rather, He loves you by giving you avenues (people, events and situations in your life) by which to turn to Him away from your sinful nature.  We can either choose to follow His guidance or not, but if we do set aside our pride and choose Him, we will be able to understand His Love on His terms, not on our imperfect terms.  It’s when we do this that we start to recognize all the ways He works to delight our hearts!

Now, after much more study of the Scriptures and of my Heavenly Father, I cherish His Word. I don’t use the word “cherish” very often because when I do use it, I want to maintain the full strength of the meaning. I cherish knowing God, and I feel incredibly honored that He is intent on revealing Himself to me in perfect, delightful ways that speak specifically to my heart! He Knows my heart (a thought which I used to cling to) and He wants ME to know HIS heart!  I knew the latter part in my head, but not in my heart. Now that I understand better, it is the most delightful thing in the world to be delighted in by my Creator!  It brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. : )  How honored I am to hear some of the thoughts of God, and how precious they are to me!  It awes me and behooves me to remember how vast are the thoughts of God because I’m always hungry to continue being delighted by God’s thoughts! It helps keep my pride in check to remember how vast are the thoughts of God because He is Omniscient and Sovereign and Holy and Good, not me!

The way by which I eventually came to understand the above mentioned things was not by Psalm 139, however.  That was my encouragement Psalm – very important and much needed. : )   The way I came to understand was by reading Beth Moore’s book Discovering God’s Purpose for Your Life and by reading tons of verses and passages from His Living Word over the past year that pointed specifically to knowing God and understanding His Holiness.  These verses are among my favorites in the Bible, and they are about knowing our awesome God!  Be sure to read the context of these verses if you don’t already know it because it’s easier to understand if you have the whole picture!  I’ll start with my focus verse from my last post:

“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” – Phil. 3:8-11

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”  -- Romans 12:2 

“We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error. Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”
– 1 John 4:6-7

“You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:13

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” – Psalm 46:10

“Then I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the LORD; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole heart.” – Jeremiah 24:7

“Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the LORD: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.” – Hosea 6:3 (KJV)

“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.” – Ephesians 1:17-21

His Holiness, I came to better understand, is separate from my sin; if I am living in sin and not repenting of it, then I will not be able to discern His voice very well, if at all. For awhile, I viewed God like I would a difficult boss or a disciplinarian father:  sure, I knew He loved me, but He was strict, difficult to please, always disappointed in me, never really proud of me, and whose Holiness kept Him distant and aloof from me. [Tell me more about His love, please, because I just don’t see it much.] Oh, how little I understood!  How I wish I could remember every thought that brought me from that point to where I am now so that I could record it here, but I think some of the thought/heart changes occurred sub-consciously.

Now I know that God is not sitting up on His throne always shaking His head at everything I do wrong and never encouraging me; rather, He is intimately involved with every detail of my life, constantly moving in ways that will specifically reach my heart. Me…Letisha. And it gives me joy to know He does this with everyone else too.  It is sad to realize that we miss this beautiful relationship if we do not truly seek Him. I know now that He does not separate Himself from my sin out of arrogance or aloofness, but because of Holiness. And I certainly wouldn’t want God to not be Holy because that would mean I would not be able to rest or rely on the security of His perfection and goodness!  He never makes mistakes!  Ever. God said Moses in Exodus 3:14, “I Am Who I Am.” He is Light; light cannot be in the presence of darkness, or else darkness doesn’t fully exist anymore.  He cannot BE contrary to His nature!   

His Holiness must be separate from our sinfulness; praise God that He sent Jesus to save us from our sinful nature so that we can be With God!  When we acknowledge our sinful nature in our hearts, repent of our sinful nature and accept Jesus into our hearts by surrendering our lives to the Lord’s leading, we become empowered to resist temptation (though we still struggle) and have the promise of eternal life with Christ! 

I love the image of light and darkness. Before, it was like I was trying to live in mostly darkness with little bit of light shinning through. But I stayed in the darkness by choice; sometimes I would move a little further toward the light and other times I would back away from the light…all by choice. My ability to see wasn’t consistent because I wasn’t consistent with seeking the Lord. As I read more of God’s Word and truly allowed God to speak to my heart through His Word, the light got brighter and brighter so that other things around me became so much clearer!  However, it’s bittersweet being able to see more because it means that I see more things that grieve me; rather, I see things that grieve the Holy Spirit inside me, which I can assure you is the deepest kind of grief and the source of all grief. The Lord is constantly working on my heart in this area because He wants to show me the Hope that is in Him and that All things work toward His Glory! 

The man who did premarital counseling for Tom and me explained to me that my nature is melancholy, so I will have to struggle against that my whole life, but my nature is also very compassionate, so I can’t stand to see others in pain – emotional, physical, psychologically, or especially spiritually. Usually, people can tell and admit when they’re having hardships of the first three kinds, but so many cannot see that they’re also struggling spiritually. If you question them, they say defensively, “No, I believe in God and I have a relationship with Jesus…I’m a Christian,” but their lives and actions illustrate the opposite. (I used to be in this boat, so it’s easier to recognize now when I start walking away from God or when I see others not truly living what they claim to believe. But if I were to walk too far and too long away from the Lord, there would be a point where I’d become more blind to my sin.) Christianity is not just about saying your belief (or opinions) or going to church or singing in the choir or whatever. It’s about a living relationship – the BEST relationship you’ll ever have!

The Truth Project video series that we’ve been watching with our young adult Bible study group posed the perfect question in the first video to speak to the depths of my heart:   “Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?”  If I answered this question truthfully, oftentimes, my answer would have to be “no.”  If I did really believe that what I believe is really real, then I wouldn’t fear and doubt so much, I wouldn’t worry.  Instead, I would have real faith in God who Is Sovereign!  I pray that as I seek the Lord and come to know Him more and more through His Word, my faith will grow so that I become the servant of God that He intended me to be.  This is my purpose and my joy!  : )

The Journey: Knowing God, Part 2

I FOUND IT!!  Soon after publishing my blog post last night, I was heading to bed when I found the book that I mentioned in my first post. I totally think it was God’s timing for me to find the book after I wrote Part 1 of this story because I think He wanted to test me – test my memory of what I had read in the book and test my willingness to follow His leading in what I should write in my blog post rather than rely heavily on the book. :)  For this reason, I’m not going to update Part 1, but just start this post with telling you about the book. Here is the cover of the book:

It is a thin, pocket-sized book (perfect for me!) called Discovering God’s Purpose for Your Life by Beth Moore. This book was given to me by my sister-in-law, Sharon, along with an encouragement card (she’s so good at that!).  Like I said, it is the perfect size for me to have a quiet time that isn’t overly complicated with a book that isn’t so daunting of an endeavor.  The entire book is about part of one verse: Philippians 3:10, which is part of what is now one of my favorite passages in the Bible!  Beth Moore breaks up the verse into parts and discusses each part in a different chapter to help show readers what God’s purpose is for your life.  Beth specifically uses the Amplified Bible version for the verse, though I memorized the verse in NIV;  I’ve listed both versions below:

            “My determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person…” – Phil. 3:10 (Amplified Bible)

            “I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…” – Phil. 3:10 (NIV)

  

Whenever I read the Bible, I like to get the context of what I’m reading, so I read a little before and after the Philippians 3:10 verse:

“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” – Phil. 3:8-11

I memorized verses 10-11 and I clung to it as a new understanding of what God was trying to teach me. I prayed these verses repeatedly until they thoroughly broke down the barriers I had put up in my heart and mind. It was when I started chapter 2 of this book that I really stopped to think about what I was reading. Our determined purpose is to know God!  As Beth’s book illustrates, “Your Book—Your life—is named Knowing Christ, and it is by you.” Each chapter of our life progresses as we seek the Lord and yield to His perfect Will. So, I guess you could say that this blog is a written version of my book Knowing Christ, by Letisha Houston – this book is the journey that I’m living out every day. “In every single season of our lives, in every situation, in every circumstance, He is after you knowing Him,” Beth explains.  I love the way she explains things and I hope you get the chance to read it sometime! I think it's only like $1.99 at Lifeway!  GREAT deal for such a wonderful, heart-changing message!

As I read the Word of God this past year, I prayed the things that Beth’s book suggested along the way:  praying for God to show me the wonders of His Word, to help me perceive what He says to me through His Word, to help me understand His Truth. I learned that just as we have an innate desire for intimacy which can only be filled by the Lord, God also desires to be delighted in and to be sought after…by us!  He chose to reveal Himself to us!

“We have cheapened our walk by going for what he can do for us alone, when the real joy is growing in the knowledge of the wonders of His Person.” – Beth Moore

“This is what the LORD says: ‘Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,’ declares the LORD.” – Jeremiah 9:24


I had a pretty exhausting day, so I hope some of this made some sense!  Let me leave you with some of the questions that I had to face and that you likely will have to face also if you wish to have a closer walk with your Creator. If you are struggling with your relationship with God or having difficulty discerning His voice in your life, you will sooner understand why if you answer the questions truthfully. In fact, as long as we’re still living on this earth fighting against our sin nature, we will have to keep on asking ourselves these questions, answering truthfully, and repenting to bring about a real transformation in our relationship with the Lord.

• What fills up most of your thoughts each day?   
• Who is the subject of most of your thoughts?    
• I say that I am seeking God, but am I really?  
• Do I act indignant toward God and others as if I am entitled to something? 
• Am I more concerned about seeking after what I want or seeking after God? 
• Am I on the throne of my life, or is God?

The Journey: Knowing God, Part 1

Let me explain part of the beginning of my journey and how it began.  :)

About a year and a half ago, I read part of a book that really struck a cord in my heart. Unfortunately, despite browsing through as many books as I could find in my house, I cannot find or remember which book it was!  If I ever remember or find it, I'll update this post!  :)  If you know me, you probably already know that I often struggle with reading books that aren't an actual story (typical plot) format; the handful of Christian non-fiction books that I've read, I can only get through sections of it.  It's not because they're aren't interesting - many of them certainly have some powerful messages in them!

At the time I read part of this book, I not in good shape spiritually. I was discontent most of the time. I was quite upset with my circumstances not changing. I was angry and frustrated. I felt like God didn’t care about my needs and I didn’t think He would ever communicate with me in a way that I could understand. I couldn’t have a face-to-face conversation with him like I could with a friend and I felt entitled to at least that much by a God who supposedly loved me. I was searching for answers. I was doubting my salvation and didn’t realize until later that all of my symptoms were a direct result of my own sin and because I had put up boundaries in my mind where I would not allow God to enter and beyond which I would not move to seek Him. I was stuck, and I sure felt it!

The reason I wish so much that I could remember which book I read is because it explains this concept a lot better than I can remember, but I’ll try. The part of the book that I read (I’m pretty sure it was a female author) was talking about how every single person’s life is composed of chapters, and every single chapter (Christian or non-Christian) has a title preface of “Knowing God…”  For example, a non-Christian might likely be in a chapter titled “Knowing God in His Call on My Life.”  A Christian might be in a chapter like “Knowing God in His Holiness,” “Knowing God in the Midst of Hardships,” “Knowing God in Learning to Trust,” or “Knowing God in My Role as a Wife/Husband/Parent,” etc. God won’t move us on to the next chapter until we’re ready (until we have learned what He wants to teach us in the current chapter). 

Think about it:  if you were a parent trying to teach your child to swim, would you let your child just jump into the pool to try it on their own (and probably drown) if he/she hadn’t first learned the basics of swimming or if he/she hadn’t even been in a pool before?  God loves us and His timing is perfect for when/where/how He teaches us, but He won’t force us into a relationship with Him. He shows us the next step and then it’s up to us to trust Him, to listen, and to choose Him – choose His Way, not our way.

This is why a non-Christian would not be able to understand the same things as a Christian – because he/she still hasn’t “answered” the call of God in his/her life, so their learning about God is close to a stand-still. Christians at different stages in their walks with the Lord might also be stuck in a certain chapter in their life if they have built up boundaries in their mind through which they will not allow God to enter and beyond which they refuse to move to trust the Lord in his guidance.

Oftentimes, this is sadly where so many arguments between Christians come from; one or both individuals are not truly seeking the Lord’s guidance in their life, and one or both individuals has put their own needs/desires/opinions ahead of God.  If the person/people is in a habit of not seeking the Lord, then he/she may be blind to the fact that they are even doing this, so they believe they are “in the right” (which results in the blaming game).  This is also where so many non-Christians get the idea that Christians are hypocrites (Galatians 5:16-25):  there are many who call themselves Christians who have no fruit of the Spirit in their life (Gal. 5:22-23), whose lives in no way indicate that they know God at all, and who put their own desires and self-actualization above their Creator.  I know this is the truth because I’ve been on both sides of the coin in different situations – in the wrong and in the right; once you’ve been in the wrong and return to seeking the Lord, you will likely be more capable of discerning the wrong path before you head down that road next time!

      
So, back to that part of the book I read about knowing God!  : )   I don’t know why it didn’t really hit home the first 100 times my husband had told me “with any situation you’re in, you should always ask yourself: what is God trying to teach me here?”  However, when I read this section in this book about knowing God, it just suddenly “clicked.” Maybe it hit home because of the way the author worded it in her book regarding “chapters”…I am a writer after all!  I’d had enough of being discontent and angry and doubting, and I was finally ready ask for God’s forgiveness for my hard-headedness and figure out what “chapter” I was currently in.  What is God trying to teach me? I wondered. What would my chapter be called right now?  I remember thinking through some possibilities and coming to a few uncertain conclusions, but I wasn’t positive.

I began to seek the Lord more seriously. I started praying more, listening more carefully to sermons at church, listening more carefully to the Christian radio station, and on January 2, 2011, I began a pre-determined plan to read the Bible in a year (I caught up with the one day I missed on Jan. 1). That’s an entirely different story, but by doing all of these things consistently, I quickly began to realize that God was trying to teach me about His Holiness and Sovereignty!  That was the chapter I was in, and what an amazing part of my journey it was! 

At first, I struggled with realizing that this was the “chapter” I was in!  I had been struggling with God’s love a GREAT deal!  I had been having many tear-filled nights where I questioned and doubted the love of God in my prayers and thoughts and conversations with my husband, family, and friends. I didn’t feel ready or very willing to learn about God’s Holiness when I didn’t even feel like I understood His love!  The devil tried many, many times to keep me from reading the Bible every day. Still, I remained dedicated to my plan to read the Bible in a year and it is THE best thing I decided to do this past year.  What a blessing it turned out to be!  (And that’s an understatement!)  It turns out that God knew what He was doing in my life!  Go figure!  : )   Learning about His Holiness was exactly what I needed to know in order to truly understand His Love!

Since it is late and I have to work tomorrow, I think I’ll have to break this post up into two parts!  Stay tuned for Part 2 soon!