Of Collisions, Prayer, & Valentine's Day

I have allotted myself 25 minutes to write this blog post so that I will hopefully not make it terribly long!  Since I haven't written since Sunday, I just wanted to share a few different things. Here goes!  :)

On my 10-minute drive to work on Monday, I spent most of the drive praying to God and preparing my heart for the day ahead.  My drive consists of only 3 turns from the time I leave my driveway, and most of it is on a 2-lane country road:  part of the Crooked Road Music Trail, in case you've ever heard of it. As I make this drive every day, I frequently glance out my windows at spectacular views, but I try to not look more than a second or two at a time...you know, since I'm driving and whatnot. :)  On Monday, I was praying and driving and there were not other cars near me. I glanced out my window for a second and when I looked back in front of me, there was a car heading straight toward my car in my lane!  There was a dotted line on the road and this car was passing a car in its lane. That car did NOT judge the timing or the distance right. Had I not noticed in time and braked, we would have had a head-on collision. Thankfully, I did notice and I did break and the car had just enough time to swerve back into its own lane. The experience made my heart rate speed up, and it made me glad that I had been in the middle of praying.

I'm admittedly not disciplined in prayer; prayer is one of those things that I think should flow naturally out of your relationship with God rather than something you have to be regimented about. Since I've been growing in the Lord, I know my relationship with Him won't be able to grow much further until I have an improved prayer life. More regular, more intimate, more sincere - I need to learn to trust that God is both hearing and caring about and answering prayers. At the beginning of this year, it became apparent to me that prayer is one of the things that God wants to teach me next, particularly when it comes to audible prayer and having faith that He is answering prayers.
 

 Ever since someone shared it with me the first time, I've always liked the idea of having your whole day be "in prayer."  You wake up saying "good morning!" to God and prepare your heart for the day; as the day wears on, you continue praying to Him about things you struggle with, asking for forgiveness for things you did wrong, and praying for others; as you go to bed, you thank Him for your blessings (listing them one by one is wonderful!) and for helping you through the day and for anything else that is on your mind so that you can sleep in His peace. This is a routine I'd like to try to adopt, though I know it may be difficult because it means that I am making my heart even more vulnerable to God (which usually means more conviction, but also means more depth, trust, understanding, and peace)!

Whew!  8 minutes left!

Valentine's Day has always been a difficult day for me. As a single person, I struggled with it every year and dreaded it every year. To me, it just seemed like a day that was dedicated to maximizing the loneliness that I felt all year!  I had many volatile relationships in my past and was searching to fill the same void that everyone tries to fill -- a void that can only be filled with the Lord. Even after getting married, I struggled with dreading Valentine's Day because even though I clearly have a husband who loves me, I had adopted a mentality and strong belief that I was not lovable, not worth pursuing or anything special. My past relationships and broken friendships confirmed this belief in my mind. I had heard, but did not believe in my heart, the Lord's promises to me from His Word.  Now, I struggle with having an expectation that something will hurt me on every Valentine's Day, even if it is my own heart/mind where the devil likes to place doubts and fears and pain.

This Valentine's Day was wonderful and a treat, and yet, it was not without an upset. I'll spare the details, but I am blessed to have a patient and loving husband who may not be perfect but who is the only man who has ever consistently shown me love like God would love. The "man" part is very important because he has been the spiritual leader that I'd never had before and he helped me get to a place where I can now learn to lean more on God than on him or on any human. I have to keep asking myself "is Jesus enough for me?" and then reminding myself "yes, Jesus is enough for me and His love is not conditional!" Sometimes, I need a reminder that I'm loved, and even if I don't get it from the places where I'm looking, I do get it from the Lord (if I will stop to notice the ways He delights my heart)! 

Oops, sooo, I'm 10 minutes over my time limit now!  Guess I'll save the rest for another time!  Thanks for reading!  :)