A "Light Bulb" Moment

A couple of months ago as I took a shower, I had another "light bulb" moment. (I often have these moments during my showers, otherwise, I wouldn't mention the shower part!)  I was reminded of this "light bulb" moment today, and I'll share the process of my thoughts from that evening with you. During my shower that night, I was thinking about all the things going on in my life right now and all the people I want so badly to care for and encourage and show that I love them every day. My trouble is that I only have so much time in a day or week! 

This concern got me to thinking about specific individuals that God has recently been calling me to reach out to. Then that got me to thinking about myself. Yes, you read that right. Straight from sincerely thinking about others to thinking about myself. I'm going to share something with you that I haven't honestly told many people. I have often worried about who would actually care if/when I passed away. I don't know how "normal" these thoughts are; maybe they are normal, or maybe they are an outpouring of my "melancholy nature" as our good premarital counselor described me. I wonder who would come to my funeral and what would they say?  I would like to think that they would say nice things about me, but would many even come?  Of course, life would go on without me, but I want to know that I made a difference in people's lives.

So, this is where my thoughts returned that evening after thinking so sincerely about caring about others. My brain immediately switched gears, and I started thinking "I think I'm doing pretty good lately. I've been trying really hard lately to care for others (which is true), so maybe there would be quite a few people saying kind things about me..."  Then I started thinking about the "crowns" I earn in my lifetime to lay at the feet of Jesus when I meet Him in Heaven.

I stopped. My mistake suddenly dawned on me. I made a potentially fatal error!  Yes, fatal!  If I had not realized my mistake, I might have continued down that road of asking myself all of those questions that contribute to a sense of self-pride instead of a sense of God-pride. The further down that road you go, the harder it is to come back.

I've heard many sermons and read many books and had many discussions about how you should always make sure that you are loving others, caring for others, and serving the Lord to have crowns to lay at his feet. These things are good and right, but what just dawned on me is that I absolutely cannot ask myself these things. I can't ask myself "am I doing okay? am I earning my crowns? am I being successful in earning the love of others?"  I should be asking GOD these things so that it is not turned in on myself and resulting in pride. Ouch. Yes, I can be doing many good things for the Lord, but I must keep my heart and eyes on the Lord and seek approval only from Him to avoid the deep fall of pride.

Perhaps I knew these things already, but it's just one extra little step for me to realize that when I do continue to try hard to reach out to others and love them and to serve the Lord, I can be encouraged by the Lord's approval, not by approval of myself. Never ask myself those questions. Only ask the Lord!  Ever since this "light bulb" moment, I feel a little freer whenever I remind myself that it matters only what the Lord thinks of my actions and how I serve Him!