The Journey: Knowing God, Part 1

Let me explain part of the beginning of my journey and how it began.  :)

About a year and a half ago, I read part of a book that really struck a cord in my heart. Unfortunately, despite browsing through as many books as I could find in my house, I cannot find or remember which book it was!  If I ever remember or find it, I'll update this post!  :)  If you know me, you probably already know that I often struggle with reading books that aren't an actual story (typical plot) format; the handful of Christian non-fiction books that I've read, I can only get through sections of it.  It's not because they're aren't interesting - many of them certainly have some powerful messages in them!

At the time I read part of this book, I not in good shape spiritually. I was discontent most of the time. I was quite upset with my circumstances not changing. I was angry and frustrated. I felt like God didn’t care about my needs and I didn’t think He would ever communicate with me in a way that I could understand. I couldn’t have a face-to-face conversation with him like I could with a friend and I felt entitled to at least that much by a God who supposedly loved me. I was searching for answers. I was doubting my salvation and didn’t realize until later that all of my symptoms were a direct result of my own sin and because I had put up boundaries in my mind where I would not allow God to enter and beyond which I would not move to seek Him. I was stuck, and I sure felt it!

The reason I wish so much that I could remember which book I read is because it explains this concept a lot better than I can remember, but I’ll try. The part of the book that I read (I’m pretty sure it was a female author) was talking about how every single person’s life is composed of chapters, and every single chapter (Christian or non-Christian) has a title preface of “Knowing God…”  For example, a non-Christian might likely be in a chapter titled “Knowing God in His Call on My Life.”  A Christian might be in a chapter like “Knowing God in His Holiness,” “Knowing God in the Midst of Hardships,” “Knowing God in Learning to Trust,” or “Knowing God in My Role as a Wife/Husband/Parent,” etc. God won’t move us on to the next chapter until we’re ready (until we have learned what He wants to teach us in the current chapter). 

Think about it:  if you were a parent trying to teach your child to swim, would you let your child just jump into the pool to try it on their own (and probably drown) if he/she hadn’t first learned the basics of swimming or if he/she hadn’t even been in a pool before?  God loves us and His timing is perfect for when/where/how He teaches us, but He won’t force us into a relationship with Him. He shows us the next step and then it’s up to us to trust Him, to listen, and to choose Him – choose His Way, not our way.

This is why a non-Christian would not be able to understand the same things as a Christian – because he/she still hasn’t “answered” the call of God in his/her life, so their learning about God is close to a stand-still. Christians at different stages in their walks with the Lord might also be stuck in a certain chapter in their life if they have built up boundaries in their mind through which they will not allow God to enter and beyond which they refuse to move to trust the Lord in his guidance.

Oftentimes, this is sadly where so many arguments between Christians come from; one or both individuals are not truly seeking the Lord’s guidance in their life, and one or both individuals has put their own needs/desires/opinions ahead of God.  If the person/people is in a habit of not seeking the Lord, then he/she may be blind to the fact that they are even doing this, so they believe they are “in the right” (which results in the blaming game).  This is also where so many non-Christians get the idea that Christians are hypocrites (Galatians 5:16-25):  there are many who call themselves Christians who have no fruit of the Spirit in their life (Gal. 5:22-23), whose lives in no way indicate that they know God at all, and who put their own desires and self-actualization above their Creator.  I know this is the truth because I’ve been on both sides of the coin in different situations – in the wrong and in the right; once you’ve been in the wrong and return to seeking the Lord, you will likely be more capable of discerning the wrong path before you head down that road next time!

      
So, back to that part of the book I read about knowing God!  : )   I don’t know why it didn’t really hit home the first 100 times my husband had told me “with any situation you’re in, you should always ask yourself: what is God trying to teach me here?”  However, when I read this section in this book about knowing God, it just suddenly “clicked.” Maybe it hit home because of the way the author worded it in her book regarding “chapters”…I am a writer after all!  I’d had enough of being discontent and angry and doubting, and I was finally ready ask for God’s forgiveness for my hard-headedness and figure out what “chapter” I was currently in.  What is God trying to teach me? I wondered. What would my chapter be called right now?  I remember thinking through some possibilities and coming to a few uncertain conclusions, but I wasn’t positive.

I began to seek the Lord more seriously. I started praying more, listening more carefully to sermons at church, listening more carefully to the Christian radio station, and on January 2, 2011, I began a pre-determined plan to read the Bible in a year (I caught up with the one day I missed on Jan. 1). That’s an entirely different story, but by doing all of these things consistently, I quickly began to realize that God was trying to teach me about His Holiness and Sovereignty!  That was the chapter I was in, and what an amazing part of my journey it was! 

At first, I struggled with realizing that this was the “chapter” I was in!  I had been struggling with God’s love a GREAT deal!  I had been having many tear-filled nights where I questioned and doubted the love of God in my prayers and thoughts and conversations with my husband, family, and friends. I didn’t feel ready or very willing to learn about God’s Holiness when I didn’t even feel like I understood His love!  The devil tried many, many times to keep me from reading the Bible every day. Still, I remained dedicated to my plan to read the Bible in a year and it is THE best thing I decided to do this past year.  What a blessing it turned out to be!  (And that’s an understatement!)  It turns out that God knew what He was doing in my life!  Go figure!  : )   Learning about His Holiness was exactly what I needed to know in order to truly understand His Love!

Since it is late and I have to work tomorrow, I think I’ll have to break this post up into two parts!  Stay tuned for Part 2 soon!